Zoey's First Birthday

Happy birthday to my sweetest Zoey. It's amazing that a year has gone by so quickly, especially with all of those long sleepless nights.

This year I have had so many superlative experiences.

The scariest thing I've ever been through was getting on the emergency airlift and knowing that if I started delivering Zoey within the hour, there was a good chance she would die.

Labor was the most physically uncomfortable experience I've ever had.

I've never been more relieved than I was when I heard Zoey cry for the first time in the operating room, after delivering her five weeks premature and worrying that her lungs weren't developed.

I've never been more anxious than I was waiting for the doctors to tell us how her surgery went.

Sadness. Oh God, how I used to cry when I had to leave her for the night. I would sit on the shuttle to the Ronald McDonald House and stare at her window of the NICU until it was out of sight. As soon as I was in my room I would just cry and cry.

I was so jealous of other families in the hospital who got to take their infants home. Nothing compares to that jealously, that "why me? Why Zoey?" and the envy I felt.

The happiest moment of my life was when I finally got to hold her for the first time. It was a hassle to deal with all her tubes and wires, and it took two nurses to set us up, but it was perfect.

I will never be more in love with anyone than I am with my baby daughter.

And I will never be more content with my life than I have been every day since bringing her home.