Zoey's First Birthday

Happy birthday to my sweetest Zoey. It's amazing that a year has gone by so quickly, especially with all of those long sleepless nights.

This year I have had so many superlative experiences.

The scariest thing I've ever been through was getting on the emergency airlift and knowing that if I started delivering Zoey within the hour, there was a good chance she would die.

Labor was the most physically uncomfortable experience I've ever had.

I've never been more relieved than I was when I heard Zoey cry for the first time in the operating room, after delivering her five weeks premature and worrying that her lungs weren't developed.

I've never been more anxious than I was waiting for the doctors to tell us how her surgery went.

Sadness. Oh God, how I used to cry when I had to leave her for the night. I would sit on the shuttle to the Ronald McDonald House and stare at her window of the NICU until it was out of sight. As soon as I was in my room I would just cry and cry.

I was so jealous of other families in the hospital who got to take their infants home. Nothing compares to that jealously, that "why me? Why Zoey?" and the envy I felt.

The happiest moment of my life was when I finally got to hold her for the first time. It was a hassle to deal with all her tubes and wires, and it took two nurses to set us up, but it was perfect.

I will never be more in love with anyone than I am with my baby daughter.

And I will never be more content with my life than I have been every day since bringing her home.

A Big Mistake

            I made a big mistake today. A biiiiiiiiig big big huge mistake. I looked at my reflection in the window while working out. Oh, God.

            I’m on an exercise kick. There is a saying about the fluctuation of weight during and after pregnancy: “nine months on, nine months off.” Well, it’s been 11.75 months and I’m still 20lbs heavier than I was before I got knocked up. So every day, I spend 20 minutes with a Jillian Michaels DVD. It sounds lame, I know, but it’s been working! In the past three weeks, I’ve lost nearly 10lbs. I lost an inch each off my chest, hips, and thigh, and an inch and a half off my waist. But most importantly, I CAN DO A PUSH-UP! A real push-up, off the knees!

            Needless to say, my confidence is up. I feel strong when I’m working out, keeping up with the ripped ladies on the screen. I know I don’t have their abs or slim arms or perky butts, but I feel good about my progress and myself. Or at least, I did. That was before. Before the unfortunate event that has forever altered the image I have in my head of how I look when exercising.

            You know when you see old ladies power-walking, and they’ve got their arms swinging and a silly little swagger and everything? That’s what my butt-kicks (jogging in place, bringing your heel to your butt) looked like. My lunges were about half as deep as I thought they were. Common decency prevents me from describing how my body looked during jumping jacks.

            From now on I am exercising in a room with no windows, no mirrors, and no reflective surfaces of any kind. I wish they made matte TV screens so I’d be in no danger of ever witnessing such a sight again. I guess it’ll just be more motivation to get the weight off!